‘Kaija, don’t let him fool himself again. He’s made so many stupids in his life, don’t let him be blinded again. Keep his mind clear and make him smile in the darkest moments of his life. You  can do this. I know you can.’

Kaija heard the thoughts of a stranger in her mind and woke up immediately. She knew that was their midnight guest and she wondered if Teller could hear them.
She opened her eyes and noticed that Haave was looking at her.

‘No, he cannot. I blocked him for our private conversation. He wishes only the best for you, it’s truth, but he has his own long and hard ways… I don’t like them and I don’t understand his ideas.’

‘Well, I’ve tried to understand… but.. it’s hard to explain, it’s that kind of thing that you should feel before judge someone. He’s afraid… it’s hard for him to trust someone, I guess. Or he doesn’t want to… For all those years I know him, I …’

‘I know him all my life. He’s a traveller, wonderer… dreamer searching for truth in faraway places. He has been searching for someone like him. One winter night he found you in that forest not far from his home. He saved you from Dark Ones. They were haunting then and found such a treasure.
You remember that night, Kaija.’ He saw that she slowly nodded. ‘He told me about you. He told a lot about you…’ He looked at the silver moonlit path going through the open window.

‘Why did you call him Tumma Susi then?’ She kept this question since their night talk when they were sitting near fireplace.

‘Don’t you know? It’s his Shadow Form. Oh, you haven’t seen him yet. Soon you will see, my dear. He has beautiful eyes when he is a wolf. Deeper than usually. You’ll love this form.’ Haave grinned.

‘Shadow Form? And who am I then? How can I see this?’

‘We’ll pass Boarder tom.. today and you’ll see. You both will see eachother from inside.’ Haave looked at her and smiled with a kind and warm smile. ‘Now we should wait for the dawn in a peaceful dreambound. Magic dreams to you.’

‘Magic…’

After the breakfast made by Haave (none still knows where he got it) they went through the forest. Haave went first, then Teller with Kaija. She noticed that in pale grey light the forest is exactly like that forest where she got lost once.

— It looks different now… Everything: the trees, the path, the lake. It became warmer and lighter. — said Kaija looking around.
— We’re getting closer to Boarder. This part of this Ice World is more like our world. Your world. — answered Haave.
Kaija eyed Teller. He was silent lost deeply in his thoughts.

— Are you alright? Teller..?
— Mh? Ah, yes. I’m okay. Just.. thinking about the crossing it.It’s always… not very nice for me. — smiled he at her with a shy and tired smile.
— Is there anything… special? — asked Kaija.
— I change my form. We call this condition our Shadow Form.

He thought about his words and something confused and surprised him.
— You’ll change your form too. For the first time… I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you that.. It’s nothing special, doesn’t hurt or something… Just it’s a very unusual feeling. You’ll see. Don’t be afraid when you see me. I’m kind as well….

They came to Boarder. It looked like a huge portal sparkling like stars at night. Kaija looked at Teller and saw a wolf. Dark wolf standing by her side looked at her with blue-and-green eyes. They were really deep and beautiful. His eyes were glittering in Boarder’s light.
She stroked his fur and he closed his eyes licking her hand.

— He is like a puppy. So warm and kind. Just don’t hurt his tail, he hates that. — said Haave grinning. Susi pretended he heard nothing.
Kaija smiled and took a step ahead. She changed her form… When Teller-Susi opened his eyes he was amazed. He never thought that Kaija would turn her form to this.

…Before you enter this door, the door leading to another world bright and full of hope you should think if nothing holds you here. Family, friends.. we aren’t talking about them now. Something deep, strong feeling that ties you, holding you and doesn’t let you go.
Like feeling of freedom, that feeling that you have when you run across the field and breathe deep fresh air of morn. Dew grass in your bare feet, whisper of wind on sundown. Yes, sundown. Eternity before the dark shadow of the night covering everything around you with dark veil of silence.

Pale red sky like a young virgin’s cheeks, setting sun in calm waters of the lake deep and blue like the eyes of an angel who’s watching you while you sleep and watch your beautiful dreams. Innocent dreams… Pure and white like first snow in November. And this moment of silence when you sit on the shore and look at the horizon where this day is slowly dying. It dies to come back once again. It dies for tomorrow. It dies because it should die now to rise from the ashes on dawn…
This moment is eternity peaceful and magnificent. Moment of innocent sacrifice and beauty. Dreambound of sundown…

…She opened her eyes when she heard the noise behind the door.
— Teller.. I’m scared. — whispered she holding his hand tight.
— Don’t be. It’s just the wind. Bad storm, I assume.

She looked at him and he noticed that she felt something.

‘Try to calm down and look through the door. Through the door.’ His thoughts had a very special effect.
She closed her eyes and breathed deep.
Slowly shadows became lighter and when they found their shapes she recognized a little creature standing before the door. It was tiny and had wide-open eyes full of fear. It knocked again.

— Oh it’s only him… — sighed Teller watching her thought-images. — Please, come in. — told he loudly. — It’s okay. He isn’t scary, even cute and scared even more than you. — told he to Kaija.

He opened the door and came in. Little and fluffy he was like Kaija’s cat, but much smaller.
White fur was wet that made their little friend tremble and he came to the fireplace. He looked at Kaija with his big deep-green eyes and put his paws on her kneels.

— Hei hei, I’m sorry that I scared you. I’m Haave. And you’re Kaija. You’re very beautiful, Kaija. — said he looking deep in her eyes. His voice was soft and kind. Kaija felt much better while he talked to her and she slowly stroked his wet fur.
— You should take care of her, Tumma Susi. She is the One. The only to see the End of All, to take care of us all. Honestly saying she is your light in the darkness. Hold her tight and never let her go. — said he to Teller lying on Kaija’s kneels. He was talking their own language, but Kaija understood every word he said.
— She understand you so no secrets and mysteries. — smiled Teller.

Haave looked at Kaija with surprise and great pleasure. She even could see that he was smiling for a second.
— So well.. I’m amazed. She is much stronger than we could imagine. Tomorrow I’ll take you both to the Temple. And now let’s dream about the field and the lake before the sundown is gone..

Dead trees whispering to eachother haunted Teller and Kaija with their shadows. Like gigantic monsters they  spied from the darkness. 

Tell me that you’re still here
Tell me that we have one path
Tell me that you’re always near
Tell me that we still have one heart
Tell me that we walk under the same star
Tell me about white snowy innocent tomorrow
Tell me that nothing’s lost
Tell me that you need me

I have dark days now, forgive me for all
Just I need to know you’re fine, you’re still here
Losing all cold pride I still try to call
Never I was too proud to say what I feel
Tell me that you remember me
I need to know that truth

Tell me that you can still hear me
Tell me that you read the lines I wrote
Tell me that there is the story to hope
Tell me that your heart believes
Tell me that you will hold me tight
Tell me that you won’t leave me in the night
Tell me that nothing’s lost
Tell me that you need me

Without you by my side I feel pale cold and dead
Every night haunts me with nightmares
Chased by fears I try to hide in my shell
Closing all windows, locking the doors
Running away from this imperfect world

Tell me that you’re still here, for me
Tell me that you’re still near, with me
Tell me that you’ll heal my broken heart
Tell me that you hold my hand under lost northern star
Tell me that you need me in your life

Open door between two paths

Locked in this snowball, alone in this world cold and fake. Unreal snow was colder than real. It was sharper than broken glass.
Kaija touched oak’s leaves and found that they were frozen. Dead and pale.
Silently she looked at her palm. Grey burnt ashes covered her fingers.

— It’s all dead here. Everything. — whispered she giving him a surprised glance. — Isn’t it, Teller? What the hell this place is…
— I haven’t been here before. But if you meet/see/feel ghosts or whatever just call me, okay? You’re too… — he paused and looked at her. She stood still and tears were slowly running down. Like a little child she cried and looked at him. — Come here. Everything will be okay, dear.

He embraced her and felt that she was trembling. She wasn’t cold, but so much afraid. She took his hand with her tender fingers and looked deep in his eyes. Teller saw fear in her eyes, but he also saw a tiny shadow of hope and faith. He caught a sight of a dreamy kid and a sight of a wise woman. Her eyes kept him in that deep ocean bound. His soul was surfing in the waves of endless sea, entire ocean of feelings and emotions living in two sparkling mirrors of life.

‘My feet are cold. This cold glass is like ice covering the lake. I don’t want to stay here…’ — thought she looking at her bare feet and white glass ground. Dark unreal sky got even darker, at least it seemed so to them.

Northern wind blew catching dead leaves from the trees and snow from the roofs. Night fell down and buried the town in ghost darkness.

Her long hair fell on her face and closed her eyes. She was sleeping and didn’t notice anything. Teller sat on cold ground and looked at the sky. Her head lied on his shoulder and he felt her breath on his skin. He slowly looked down at her. Innocent and pure child of light.
‘Why are you following me? I’m not that you need. But you’re that I want… This is all wrong. Kaija… find another way. But still, it’s too late now. Why didn’t you listen to me?’

— Because I don’t want another life. My heart won’t beat without your kind word and warm sight. Don’t try to fix me while I’m not broken. Don’t try to let me go when I am not going anywhere.

She spoke to him through her sleep. Kaija learnt to hear his thoughts through the distance and time. It was under her own control. And he forgot about this… But she was there, lying in his arms soft and warm. Sweet and tender scent of first flowers in spring played in her hair and he felt it. Teller bent to her and gently kissed her lips.

She is lying in her bed. Heart beats silently. Breath is slow. Kaija is sleeping. She is so far away…

‘I walk this snow. I know this forest, I’ve been there once… The oak, the lake..
Teller… let me know if you’re here… Teller. Don’t be silent, I know you hear me.’

He is standing right before her looking at her. He touches her hair and strokes her shoulder.
She is no longer afraid. She smiles and embraces him kindly. Teller…

“Dear Teller,

let me know if you are here. I need to talk to you.”

She closed her diary. ‘No more writing for today. I’m tired…’
Snowball on her table glows in moonlight. Snow lies still covering fake ground under a fake Christmas tree.
Kaija checked her mail box and sighed. She feels that tears are slowly falling down on her pillow. Cold and bitter they’re running down her cheeks.

She looked through the window and saw pale dark sky covered with clouds. Sometimes you can see tiny stars shining with their shy smiles or sparkling with their silver tears.
‘2 am… I have to get some sleep.Even we should sleep sometimes. But it never helps with deep heart pain.’
Kaija closed her eyes and thought of him.

“More than everything in this world I wish now… you were here.”

Dreamland of this night is white. Snow lies all around. It covered the roofs, the trees, the field behind her house… Everything is bright white only the sky is dark. Dark and unreal… like in her snowball. Everything looks so unreal.

‘No stars, but sky is clear. That’s interesting…’ — thought she looking at the sky.

 — It’s glass. You’re in the snowball. — said the voice behind her. Teller appears from the shadow of an old oak. — Don’t run away. Don’t try to. You’re locked here. Like I am.

Snow sparkles in first rays of dawning sun. Early morn fell on the field and embraced it with frozen beauty.
It was a cold night. Leaves and unfallen petals are deadly pale in this November sun.
Silent. Peaceful. Imagined scenery of silver mist landscape.

Ice covered the lake waters and now it looks like a huge mirror. Still this iceglass is too thin to walk it.
Cold ghostly waters will take you before you can make a sound.
Silent morn. Beautiful frozen dawn.

— Kaija, where are you? Come here! Snow!
— I don’t to play now, Teller.

He entered her room. She is sitting and writing in her diary. Something very important if it’s more interesting than to play snowballs. Or run across the field with the wind blowing in your face…

— What are you doing? — asked he looking at her.
— Writing a story… about you and me. One day you’ll read it. But if you read it that will mean the only thing — I’m not here anymore. You see?

She closed her diary and came closer to him. Looking deep in his eyes she stroked his hair.

— I’m not sure that.. you mean… no. No way.
— Yes. Let me finish it and you’ll know the end of this story.

She opened again her diary and wrote this:

“… Teller. This is a message for you. I don’t know if I’m still here. If you’re reading this… that means that I’m.. far far away. Don’t drop a tear for me, keep a kind smile on your face. Let me be a part of your childish memory. I’m only a shadow of the fullmoon, I’m a tide, a snowflake on your palm. I’m but your fantasy, your untouched memory. Never dreamt dream. You were my guiding star, my light in the dark. Now the darkness is over me. Please, take care of your dearest memories. Keep the waiting and we will meet once again.
Just keep on believing and one day I’ll knock at your door on dawn. Keep the heart open and full of hope.

Forever yours,
Kaija”

… Hope is beating in her heart. Hope is her heart. She lives and breathes it. Take it from her and she will die. Not at once, but slowly, painfully. In cruel suffering. Alone and cold.

‘Why am I doing this? Why am I writing this all?’ — thought she looking through the leaves above her head.
Pale yellow leaves are dancing in a wind blow. Light grey clouds running through the sky let sun shine not so bright as always. Music box stopped playing, but then the violin was calling her again and again. Beautiful symphony in her heart combined with dreambound around her.
Silent whisper of leaves, soft wind, kind touch of sunshine… dreamy November day.
Kaija walks down the street and breathes in frozen air. Heart’s melody has been following her for the whole day.
Last days she has different and strange dreams. Nightmares walking deep in her soul, calling her name and haunting her every night… and every day.

‘… Time will flow with one moment of pain
Take your path, kneel before the stream
Follow your heart to touch your dream
Deep within I go back to my memories again..’

“Close the door… none should see you. You’re the terrible beast whoever lived in this world. I wish I could never walk again from here.”

Kaija was crying on her bed. For hours she was silently weeping. She didn’t want to see anyone. Her hatred seemed endless. She hated herself for so many things…

Tears sparkled in her closed eyes then. She didn’t want to feel it again. She never wished to pass through it once more. One time was more than enough.
But memories awakened while she flew. Her darkest memories came back and fear rose from the ashes like Phoenix. Darkness embraced her tight and she couldn’t breathe. She was falling down with a beaten breath. Suddenly she opened her eyes and saw him right before her. Her sight was so blur but slowly she could see tears in his eyes.

— I’m here. Don’t die… please, don’t die. — whispered he to her. He was holding her hand.

She understood that they were in the forest near the lake.

— I promised you.. that I’ll always be around. In the dark or in the sparkle of light… I’ll always be behind you. So, dear, I’ll always guard you. — said he.
— I’m alright, I guess.. — told she. — I thought that I’m living in a dreamworld. And can fly. You showed me that Violet Forest and the old house… It was a dream, wasn’t it?

He looked at her. His glance went through her eyes and reached her soul. It looked like he was reading her heart, her every dream and memory.
Finally he just looked in her eyes.

— You remember it all… It’s true. It all was real. Now you should get some sleep.
He took her back home. She slowly fell asleep in his arms embracing him softly.